A sparkly thing that happened.

I added a whopping 35 more icons to my “Avatars” page under the Art & Music section. The kicker? All 35 are from the Twilight fandom.

It’s no secret that I hate the Twilight books. I think Stephenie Meyer is a complete hack who got lucky on her first try, because girls love things that sparkle. And what’s better than a sparkly boyfriend who’s waited a hundred years for you alone?

I’ll tell you what: gleefully mocking such drek, and writing delightfully spiteful fic that takes the basic idea and crams logic and reality right up its ass.

The books are awful, but the movies are an improvement over the books. They’re silly and dumb… but at least they aren’t trying to feed you some harmful messages. Case in point: Edward takes an engine part (most likely the spark plug) out of Bella’s truck to prevent her from seeing her friend Jacob. Now in the movies, they hardly speak to one another for a few scenes after that, and it’s clear Bella’s pissed at his highhandedness. In the books, she’s TOTALLY OKAY WITH IT, rationalizing it away as him trying to protect her. Which is the exact attitude abuse victims take when their abusers get nasty, “oh, he doesn’t mean anything by it,” or “oh, he’s just looking out for me,” or the worst of ’em all… “it’s my fault he’s upset.”

So yeah. The books are a great big pile of horrible messages embedded beneath ridiculously purple prose streaming from the consciousness of a completely unlikeable Mary Sue.

The movies? RPattz’s constantly pained expression (turns out, he was actually trying to go for a humourous touch by making Edward a social reject), KStew’s single facial expression through the entirety of five movies (she clearly wasn’t even trying, when she was actually very good in Speak and Zathura), shirtless werewolves, and Edward sparkling at high noon followed by Bella’s Body-Slam of Love…

I can go on.

There’s a manga of the first book too, drawn by Young Kim, which actually makes more sense because of Edward’s canonical bishie sparkle. The manga’s art is pretty, IMHO.

But I actually made those avatars because I subscribe to a sporking journal and its sister journal, a spitefic community. I was a major contributor to said spitefic comm during 2012 and 2013, and will actually be going back to it this year with a Fifty Shades of Grey multi-chapter fic where I make sense of THAT X-rated ridiculousness, featuring Anastasia Steele as an amnesiac alien princess.

So yeah. 35 Twilight Series icons are available, and a Fifty Shades AU is on the way.

But that’s my anti-fannish stuff. And my (anti-)fannish stuff will always be available for free.

I still write original stuff, and you can support me on that by joining my Patreon page. For just $1 a month, you can get unlimited access to all my original work and, for a bit more, you can commission an original piece from me. I’ll be uploading new material there later tonight, so there’ll be new stuff there you may notΒ find anywhere else.

Yes. I WILL WRITE WHATEVER YOU WANT, FOR JUST A FEW BUCKS EVERY MONTH. What’s not to love? Show some support for an independent creator and…

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Mostly, I write stuff. And, like the Egyptians and the Internet, I put cat pictures on my walls. Also, I can read your Tarot.