yourphysicsiskarkatrocious:

hapabap:

nazerine:

plasmalogical:

paxamericana:

Silicon Valley’s ‘Startup Castle’ is looking for roommates, and the requirements are completely bonkers

good thing i listen to exactly one song with explicit lyrics every day

I’ve been saying this for a while but Startup Bro is the new and terrifying lovechild of the brogrammer and the business major and he is somehow even more self-centered and bigoted than either of them

No, no, guys, look closely.

This house is looking for extremely physically fit young men (No drugs, no makeup, no special diet, exercise 15 hrs a week) who are passive and docile (no protests, no music lyrics with swears) who, most of all, will not be missed if they disappear (very little social media presence, not rich enough to own expensive luxury items, no need to constantly be in contact with their parents over bills/gifts, few identifying markings like tattoos)

This is obviously an organ harvesting operation.

Y’KNOW, THAT *WOULD* EXPLAIN A LOT…

Let’s see:

  • I go on a Netflix/Hulu binge from time to time, and I’m a daily viewer of Markiplier’s channel.
  • No tattoos… yet. (I do want to get one, eventually.)
  • Though I’ve never attended a protest, I’ve been periodically reblogging social justice pieces AND I sign plenty of petitions (with my health problems, it’s the best I can do)
  • Have you SEEN the amount of posts I make here on Tumblr?!
  • My favourite rapper is Eminem. Nuff said.
  • I don’t wear makeup… mostly because I’m not really going out anywhere. But I have in the past.
  • I’m poor, so the only thing I have that’s anywhere near $500 is my laptop.
  • I LITERALLY HAVE NO INCOME.
  • I DON’T DRIVE EITHER.
  • SERIOUSLY, WE HAVE NOTHING.
  • I don’t date (let alone on apps) because, hey, I’m engaged and that would be cheating.
  • HAHAHAHA. YOU DON’T KNOW ANY ITALIANS, DO YOU?
  • I only drink on special occasions; birthdays, holidays, and whatnot.
  • I’ve never smoked marijuana (with my asthma, it’d probably kill me).
  • FUCK YOU, YOU ABLEIST PIECE OF SHIT.
  • FUCK YOU SO VERY MUCH.

But, in all seriousness? Hapabap might be right… those requirements are weird and, when you put it together, it’s suspicious as fuck.

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Mostly, I write stuff. And, like the Egyptians and the Internet, I put cat pictures on my walls. Also, I can read your Tarot.