My husband and I basically go through the bdsm domestic cycle with vanilla sex. The break down is p much healthy communication between sexual partners. If your lover is unwilling to talk about boundaries beforehand that might be a red flag. Have basic/vanilla sex if you feel it will be safe for both of you, but never participate in bdsm if they won’t follow these very simple rules.
Solid relationships are based on good communication, trust and mutual respect. This holds true for both vanilla and BDSM couples.