the biggest lie i ever told & how my husband came to protect it




for years i have lived this lie telling everyone i am allergic to peanuts because i hate the smell of peanut butter and don’t really like peanut butter that much but whenever i used to tell people i don’t like peanut butter they’d get all defensive like “peanut butter is amazing how do you not like it?!” and then i’d have to go into this whole thing to defend my taste buds.

but then i got tired of it and started telling people that i’m just allergic to peanuts because that way it’s not my fault that i hate the smell of peanut butter – it’s now like i’m a sad little baby who will never get to taste peanut butter ever in her life and everyone feels sad for me.

but the problem is that i really love peanut m&ms and so now i can only eat peanut m&ms when i’m at home in secret. the only person who knows my lie is my husband. and so at work this evening we had a small celebration for someone and they had peanut m&ms and i really wanted some but obviously couldn’t eat them in public because then people would know my peanut secret. 

and so when we got home after work my husband tipped his jacket over and emptied his pockets and at least thirty or so peanut m&ms fell out of his pockets and he whispered, “i was sneakily accumulating them all night for you because i could see the pain in your eyes.”

and if that isn’t love then i don’t know what is. 

you and your husband are both awful sacks of shit bc this is the exact type of bullshit that makes people think folks like me with lethal food allergies are just lying about a ~preference~ and it literally puts our lives in danger. You think it’s so fucking hard to deal with ppl not respecting your dislike of a food? try dealing with people not respecting that a food will fucking kill you if you ingest it and giving it to you anyway and ending up in urgent care nearly dying from anaphylaxis, because too many cowardly shitheads repeatedly lie about having a simple preference simply bc they can’t be bothered, and so no one takes actual food allergies seriously enough. this shit is why we lack accommodation in so many places and are made to feel like lying attention seekers and snowflakes

fuck you and your wack ass enabling husband and everyone who thinks this bullshit is cute tbh

but enjoy your notes I guess

I’m here for elfyourmother.

Same, elfyourmother. My mom has a ton of weird-ass food allergies, and it’s a pain for her to try to explain to people that “Really no, I can’t have snow peas” or “If that’s made of fresh peaches, I can’t eat it because of the skins/juice, but the canned ones are okay because how they’re prepared is safer for me”.

So, instead of explaining, she’ll just put what she can’t eat on my and my fiancé’s plates.

I don’t have food allergies, fortunately, but I’m a picky eater myself… and I’ve never been shy about telling people when I don’t want something. I usually order for everyone at the table, so my mom doesn’t have to feel embarrassed about her limitations.

Fuck those who a) don’t respect people’s food preferences or dietary needs and b) aren’t mature enough to say they simply don’t like something. You’re just making things so much harder for people who legitimately have food allergies. Grow up.


Also? I’ve never been interrogated for my food preferences. You know why? Because I speak with enough confidence that people don’t question it. 

The rare time someone asks me why I don’t want something, I’ll say politely but firmly, “Because I just don’t like it.” End of discussion.

You speak with enough confidence, and people won’t question you. So stop apologizing for your taste buds and get the fuck over the “embarrassment” of not liking what some rando likes.

And if it’s someone you know needling you because of your preferences, just tell them to stop being a dick about it. But, whatever you do, stop apologizing and stop lying. You don’t have to be sorry for what you want or need.


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Mostly, I write stuff. And, like the Egyptians and the Internet, I put cat pictures on my walls. Also, I can read your Tarot.