A collection of top-ten lists, focusing on Nick and Nat’s relationship. Originally written in 2005 for the DarkNN website.
Top Ten Reasons Nick & Nat Should Be Together
10. Who’s to argue with fate?
9. Natalie likes older men.
8. They both had relationships with psychotic killers.
7. Nick thinks Natalie’s knees are adorable.
6. Nick doesn’t want to wait another 800 years for the right woman and Nat doesn’t have 800 years to find the right man.
5. They will never run out of things to talk about.
4. Nick’s dead. Nat’s a coroner. Coincidence? I think not.
3. They love each other.
2. Wouldn’t you just love to see them kiss again?
And the number one reason Nick and Nat should be together is….
1. It would really piss off LaCroix.
* * *
Top Ten Reasons Nat Was On The Couch The Morning After In “Night In Question”
10. She needed a glass of water.
9. Nick hogged the blankets.
8. Nat couldn’t stand Nick’s “cow blood smelling breath”.
7. Nat had cramps.
6. Nick was trying to remember if Tracy was a good cop or not and couldn’t sleep until he found an answer.
5. Nat walks in her sleep.
4. Nat had a TV show she didn’t want to miss.
3. Nick snores loud enough to wake the dead.
2. Nat kept sliding off the black silk sheets.
And the number one reason Nat was on the couch the morning after in “Night In Question” is….
1. Nat was abducted by aliens who, instead of returning her to Nick’s bed, left her on the couch.
* * *
Top Ten Things You’ll Never Hear Nick Say To Nat
10. “Hey, baby. Wanna go neck in the Caddy?”
9. “Sorry, Nat, but this crap tastes like… crap.” (on Nat’s protein shakes)
8. Any stupid pick-up line (ex.: “You have 206 bones in your body. Want one more?”)
7. “I was wondering if you’d like to have a threesome with me and Janette.”
6. “Nat, will you *please* quit whining? It hurts my sensitive ears. Sheesh, take a Prozac!”
5. “Your odd behaviour makes me think you’ve been abducted by aliens recently.”
4. “Wow… PMS bitch from hell.”
3. “Awww, Nat, do I *have* to?”
2. “Those garlic pills make me sneeze.”
And the number one thing you’ll never hear Nick say to Nat is….
1. “Actually, I really don’t want to be mortal. I’m happy with what I am.”
* * *
Top Ten Things You’ll Never Hear Nat Say To Nick
10. “Is being in love with a vampire technically necrophilia?” (at the most,… er, *inopportune* moment)
9. “I was wrong. I’m sorry.”
8. “Wow, that was soooo cool!” (when Nick displays his vampire powers)
7. “Actually, I don’t give a sh** if you drink blood. In fact, you can drink mine.”
6. “Bite me, please!”
5. “You’ll live forever without even getting the sniffles, so why the hell do you want to be mortal?”
4. “Thanks for remembering my birthday.”
3. “Happy birthday, you old geezer!”
2. “Actually, I wouldn’t mind LaCroix becoming my father-in-law.”
And the number one thing you’ll never hear Nat say to Nick is….
1. “No, Nick, I don’t love you.”