Normal Guy vs. Edward Cullen vs. Griffin Blasko

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Griffin Blasko is the hero from the vampire novel I co-wrote with a friend. He’s a special (and rare) breed of vampire known as the Pureblood (which is basically an ubervamp bred as a living weapon). His human girlfriend, Laila Chadevsky, is a nice Jewish girl who’s very supernatural-savvy and is often the voice of reason in his messed up life (in a nutshell, she’s Grade-A anti_bella material). Together, they fight crime!

A normal guy would say: “I love you, baby!”
Edward would say: “You are my life now.”
Griffin would say “I love you” in Russian, putting Laila’s bit of ‘tutoring’ to good use and making her smile.

Normal Guy would say: “I think I am falling for you.”
Edward would say: “You’re my brand of heroin.”
Griffin would say that Laila’s the sexiest woman in the world, and to get her sweet ass over here because he wants to worship it.

Normal Guy would say: “Your hair looks like a haystack; go brush it!”
Edward would say: “Your hair looks like a haystack but I like it.”
Griffin would tease Laila about having a rough night, then offer to brush her hair.

A normal guy would pick a random song from a random artist and dedicate it to you.
Edward would sing you a song he wrote for you while playing the piano.
Griffin would imitate John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever just to make Laila laugh.

If you die, a normal guy would find another.
If you die, Edward would kill himself because life without you isn’t worth living.
If Laila dies, Griffin would keep on doing the hero gig, because she’d want him to keep going. And what could be a finer tribute to her than saving the world?

As you leave the house, a normal guy would say: “Bye, see ya!”
As you leave the house, Edward would say: “Come back to me, love.”
As Laila leaves the house, Griffin would give her a kiss and hug and tell her to drive safely, and to call him if she needs anything.

As you come back to the house, a normal guy would be watching TV and wouldn’t even notice.
As you come back to the house, Edward would be welcoming you by playing the piano with a song just for you.
As Laila comes back to the house, Griffin would give her a bear hug, a big kiss and say, “Didja miss me, babe? ‘Cos I missed you.”

A normal guy would wait for you to make him breakfast.
Edward would make you breakfast every day.
Griffin and Laila cook their meals together.* It gives them more time to talk and simply indulge in each other’s company.

While you are both out for dinner, a normal guy wouldn’t keep his eyes off the sexy waitress.
Edward wouldn’t even notice the waitress was a female.
Griffin would say that the waitress’s skirt would look so much hotter on Laila’s fine ass.

A normal guy, while driving, would keep one hand on the wheel and one hand on the radio.
Edward, while driving, would keep one hand on the wheel and the other attached to yours.
Griffin, while driving, would crank up the classic rock station and headbang a little while Laila sings along.

While far apart in different places, a normal guy would say: “I miss you.”
While far apart in different places, Edward would say: “It’s like you’ve taken half of myself with you.”
While far apart in different places, Griffin would crack jokes and do silly voices over the phone to hear Laila’s laugh.

A normal guy wouldn’t care or notice if you had nightmares.
Edward would sing until your nightmares went away.
Griffin would hold Laila close, and ask her if she wanted to talk about it.

A normal guy can help a normal girl to stake a vampire pestering them.
Edward would get his family to kill the vampire pestering you.
Griffin would hold the vampire down while Laila stakes it. And, if that fails, Griffin ripping the annoying little bastard apart with his talons oughta do the trick.

A normal guy buys you flowers and chocolates.
Edward buys you a car.
Griffin would get Laila a kitten or puppy. Or he’d buy her a book she mentioned she was interested in, because he knows how much Laila loves to read.

A normal guy does it with everyone.
Edward only does it with one.
Griffin’s a one-woman man, and he’s got Laila. She’s the best thing that ever happened to him, and he knows it. And what kind of idiot would mess that up?

* Griffin can enjoy human food, but he still needs to drink blood to survive… and Laila’s day job as a hemotopathologist means she can grab the unusable/infected/discarded donations for him.


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Mostly, I write stuff. And, like the Egyptians and the Internet, I put cat pictures on my walls. Also, I can read your Tarot.