The Best Medicine

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Warning: Some harsh language from Anti, plus the usual creepy demon-y kind of stuff. Also? Dark gets angry, and shows His True Form. Even worse? Try not to think about the kind of things that would amuse a Hellgod.

Based on a request by Ginger (aka @the-redhead-who-writes on Tumblr): “I’d really like to read about his reaction to the video the first time he saw it. The initial emotions (rage, indignation, mini-tantrum, etc.) would be so cool!”

Also inspired by @tentacleheadcold‘s audio edit of Dark having a laughing fit. Ginger also wondered in the comments “what on Earth could make our favourite demon giggle like this,” and asked for someone to come up with something.

I was more than happy to oblige on both counts. 🙂

(Original tumblr post included the above gif by markired.)

Deep within the Shadow Realm…

A rage-filled roar that echoed like a thunderclap lanced through the massive domicile, and the minor imps and tulpas scrambled as far away as they could from the door to the Hellgod’s personal chambers. There was the sound of something large and heavy crashing through a window, then distantly plummeting to the ground below.

Only two demons dared to remain near Dark’s chambers… and the epicenter of His unholy fury.

Meg raised an eyebrow. “Was… was that the couch He threw?”

Anti met her gaze, giving a shrug as he absently played with his new Swiss army knife. “Dunno. Or it could be the desk. I’m not betting my life to find out.”

Meg turned back to the door. “I’m gonna go in there. See if I can calm Him down.”

Anti snorted. “It’s your funeral, sis. Don’t mind me if I stay behind, in case someone needs to sweep up what’s left of you.”

“Your faith in me is touching, right where my bathing suit goes,” Meg replied sardonically.

“Pfft. Go get rogered by a seraph,” Anti spat in response.

The black-haired girl merely grinned at the insult. “Don’t wait up for me, bro.” Then she entered Dark’s chambers.

Meg was able to quickly apprise herself of the situation, as the smoke curled from His True Form, and His eyes – the whole multitude of them – blazed with infernal rage. His massive black wings blocked out what little light was coming in from the windows, and His claws had scored deep cauterized grooves in the stone floor.

His human vessel lay forgotten on the floor in one corner, discarded like an old Raggedy Andy doll. Its eyes stared lifelessly out at nothing. Sparing a moment’s thought for it, she hauled the body up and into a lavish wooden chair that more accurately resembled a throne in its nouveau Medieval style. She carefully draped its arms along the armrests, and pushed its head back so it would be less likely to crumple to the floor.

That done, she turned back to the now-unfettered Hellgod. Being His child – a demon specifically transformed by Him – had its perks; only she could look upon His True Form for any length of time, without turning into a gibbering, addle-pated zombie of a being.

“You know, things are usually easier to deal with if You talk to someone about what’s bothering You.”

His response came in the form of a nightmarish legion of voices, some growling, some bellowing and others shrieking – but all of them angry. Nonetheless, she listened… and found the one voice that stood out to her demonic perceptions. No human would have understood it, as it sounded nothing like a human voice and was speaking in an ancient demonic tongue. But the knowledge of that language was one of the gifts He had bestowed upon her during her conversion.

“I get it. Really, I do. Mocking the God-King of the Infinite Abyss is the epitome of an insanely dumb move. Brave, but dumb. Not to mention in really poor taste.” She sighed. “But his gambit worked. He’s gotten under Your skin with his stupid joke. He’s won this round because You blinked first.” She looked up at Him, making eye contact with the most prominent set of His eyes. “You’re so much bigger, badder and better than that.”

She stepped back as the creature shifted form into an oily black mist. The Hellgod, now devoid of physical form, forced open His vessel’s mouth and poured His essence back into it. The body seized and jerked as He settled Himself back in it once again. Then there was the cracking of bones shifting back into place, a roll of the atrophied muscles to regain their flexibility.

He looked at her, once again, through human eyes with supernaturally-blackened irises.

Perhaps it was imprudent of Me to waste My energies in such a way. My strength is not what it once was, after all.”

“Feel better, though?”

“Not remotely, no.”

“Well, I think I know what can make You feel better,” she said, dragging a small bench over to Him. It was one of the few things left in the room that had remained undamaged, and she sat on it before Him. “How about we have a little father-daughter brainstorming session?”

Anti’s eyes widened when he first heard the sound. At first, the young demon had no idea what in the Nine Hells he was hearing. It carried the familiar echo of the Hellgod’s voice… but He didn’t sound angry. Was He… was He laughing?

Lucifer’s balls, He definitely was! It wasn’t His more malevolent chortle, or a sardonic chuckle, but a genuinely merry laugh. Either Meg had just worked a damned miracle… or He was really enjoying making her suffer.

Cautiously, the green-haired monster crept into Dark’s chambers after his wayward sister. He had to see, had to know what the absolute fuck was going on.

He found the two of them talking companionably, Meg’s gestures more animated. Dark’s laughter upon her gesticulations pealed like carillon bells rung from a steeple, echoing throughout the Hellgod’s chambers. They both quieted when they realized they were no longer alone, Dark breathing in audibly as He stifled His paroxysm of giggles.

Anti’s respect for his “sibling” went up more than a few notches. Meg smiled as she excused herself from His presence, and Dark cordially permitted her to take her leave, with an unusually bright smile.

Meg quickly yanked Anti with her out of the room.

“What did you say to Him?” Anti demanded, his tone a mixture of awe and envy.

“I just told Him all the crazy things we could do to make a certain Youtuber’s life a living hell. Then I promised to record it, so He could watch it over and over again.”

“And that made Him laugh?”

Meg shook her head, a smile on her face. “No, what made Him laugh was my impressions of Mark’s reacting to our plans. He’s really looking forward to the real thing, now.” She chuckled softly. “After all, what other grown man screams like a little girl?”


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Mostly, I write stuff. And, like the Egyptians and the Internet, I put cat pictures on my walls. Also, I can read your Tarot.