The Code

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Author’s Note: A bit of metafic, or the Ten Commandments as vampires would have it. I’m always open to suggestions for extending this codex. Heed and obey these laws, brethren.


1. Thou shalt not give glory to any other devil than thyself.
2. Thou shalt avoid religious symbols, sunlight, stakes and garlic like the plague.
3. Thou shalt not expose thyself or the vampire community to the mortal world.
4. Thou shalt find a good hiding place during the day, and come out only at night.
5. Thou shalt honor thy master… unless he or she is a lunatic.
6. After killing, thou shalt dispose of the body in a manner that does not attract attention.
7. Thou shalt not attempt to hop into bed with a mortal, because thou wilt kill him or her.
8. Thou shalt not steal another vampire’s mortal girlfriend.
9. Thou shalt not torture another vampire… unless thou art LaCroix.
10. Thou shalt not eat mortal food, as thou wilt find thyself with a serious case of indigestion.

Addendums to the code, as suggested by Ravenclaw Slut:
11. Thou shalt not wear a platinum blond crewcut unless thou art a 2000 year old Roman general.
12. Thou shalt not indulge in too much self-pitying lest thou shouldst deem it necessary to take a brisk walk at noon.
13. Thou shalt give in to the obvious slashiness of thy life and enjoy the company of thine father.

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Mostly, I write stuff. And, like the Egyptians and the Internet, I put cat pictures on my walls. Also, I can read your Tarot.