Inspired by Gehayi’s comment in her Fifty Shades of Grey sporking about how saying “holy cow” in the middle of the field they landed the glider in could invoke the goddess Hathor, who would not be amused. Written for the das_sporking and TwiSpiteFic communities on LJ.
He kisses me, long, hard, and passionately, his tongue in my mouth. His breathing is mounting, his ardor… Holy cow – his erection… we’re in a field. But I don’t care.
Then a woman’s voice thunders, “INSOLENT MORTAL!” The words are so loud, my ears ring. It’s as if God in Heaven were speaking the words from parted clouds.
But the source of the sound is from a lower place. A woman, taller than any human could possibly be and just as impossibly beautiful, glares at us with such incredible fury that I half-expect to be instantly struck by lightning. She wears bovine horns on her headpiece, and her body is draped in a simple off-white linen gown with a pleated skirt.
Holy cow, does she look pissed.
No, wait. She isn’t angry with me. Her gaze is locked on Christian.
When she glances at me, her expression and voice both soften. But even so, her voice still carries the thunderclap of godlike command. “YOU HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR FROM ME, CHILD. I AM PROTECTRESS OF WOMEN’S MYSTERIES, AND I HAVE HEARD THE CRIES OF MY DAUGHTER. I, THE GREAT GODDESS HATHOR, AM MISTRESS OF THE BARREN, MIDWIFE TO ALL MOTHERS, AND AVENGER OF THOSE TORMENTED BY MEN. YOU WILL COME TO NO HARM IN MY MOST SACRED PLACE.”
Holy shit! She really is a goddess! I think. My own inner goddess is trembling under a blanket.
“BUT YOU!” She points an accusing finger at Christian, fury twisting her beautiful face. “YOU DEFILE MY SACRED FIELDS WITH YOUR PRESENCE! I KNOW OF THE FIFTEEN WOMEN YOU HAVE SLAUGHTERED TO SLAKE YOUR PERVERTED LUSTS, AND I WILL NOT HAVE SUCH AN ABOMINATION OF HUMAN FLESH IN MY PRESENCE!”
She clenches her fingers in the air, and Christian doubles over gasping and clawing at his windpipe. “FOR YOUR SINS, I WILL SEND YOU TO THE DUAT TO BE JUDGED BY THE GREAT GOD OSIRIS. MAY HE HAVE THE MERCY ON YOUR SOUL THAT I DO NOT CARE TO PROVIDE!”
She makes a twisting motion with her fist, and his neck snaps with a sickening crack. I jump away as a fire comes up out of the ground and consumes his remains, then vanishes like a died-out cigarette. I quail in terror as the goddess, this beautiful avenging angel, approaches me.
“BE STILL, DAUGHTER,” she says, no longer quite as fearsome, squatting down and placing a hand against my face. With her touch, I now understand; she is a Great Mother, protecting her child. And all women are her daughters, whom she would gladly help if they knew how to seek her.
And Christian was going to hurt me, kill me. But this mighty, beautiful goddess would not allow that to happen. I seriously owe her one. Wonder if there’s a church for her anywhere, so I can always show my thanks?
“ALL WILL BE AS A DREAM SOON ENOUGH, AND THE MAN WHO SO TORMENTED YOU WILL TROUBLE YOU NO FURTHER. GO FORTH FROM THIS PLACE AND LIVE WISELY, MY DAUGHTER.”
And I do just that.
The actual quote that inspired the above ficlet is as follows: “I’m sorry, but Ana saying “holy cow” that close to the comment that they’re in a field makes me imagine Hathor, the Egyptian cow goddess, being present and disapproving of this nonsense.“
For context, check out the first part of Gehayi and Ket’s sporking of Fifty Shades of Grey‘s 24th chapter here.
I’ve been obsessed with Egyptian and Classical mythology since I was in my preteens. Hathor‘s human appearance (one of three forms the gods of Egypt each take, the others being animal and human-with-animal-head), her personality and her declarations are all historically accurate. I didn’t require any wiggle room in depicting her, as the ancient gods were known to be capricious.