1. Know what matters to you, personally – what you stand for, and what your values are.
2. Don’t be anxious about breaking social norms. The more often you do this, and go against the flow, the less it will bother you to simply be yourself.
3. Decide not to live as a people pleaser, or to get upset and take rejection personally.
4. Hang out with people who are self confident, who know what they believe in, and what they want from life. You’ll find their self-confidence will rub off on you, too, and you’ll start to worry less about what other people think.
5. Working on becoming more competent in the skills and areas that matter to you. That will naturally enhance your self confidence, and develop a self image that is strong and positive.
6. Travel, or spend time with lots of different people. That will show you how diverse attitudes and outlooks are. That is, there’s no one way of being – so find, and be, yourself.
It’s sad that toxic game culture is so prevalent cuz like. As someone who has ended up in random matches with kids before, I can attest to how fucking easy it is to reverse and un-teach shitty attitudes in kids.
Example: I downloaded Friday the 13th because it’s free on psn. I dunno how to play, so I just enter quick play and I’m matched with 3-4 kids on mic. Immediately on mic they’re shitty and disparaging to each other. They laugh at each others deaths, they actively work against team mates and self sabotage, they call each other “fags”, etc. From the sounds of the voices they cannot be older than 13-14.
I put on my mic and just decide I ain’t havin it. I am nice. I thank them for barricading doors or leaving me items. When they break free from Jason’s grasp I say “good job!” or I try to help them. One kid survived for most of the match by himself. When he dies, I tell him he did a fantastic job.
The mood shift is practically INSTANT. These kids almost immediately stop being dick heads. They start encouraging each other and being kind. After the match all of them try to friend request me. Which should tell you a couple of things:
A) kids want to be kind, and they want to have a nice time playing games. But encounters with adults like me or so rare that they’ve trained themselves to instantly put on a toxic, shitty, defensive veneer when encountering any new person online. It’s literally just THAT EASY to not groom a horrible gaming community, it’s just that NO ONE does it.
B) the speed of which they all tried to friend me was cute, but paints for me such a sad picture? Like these kids are SO desperate to find people to play with who aren’t crappy jerks. They played with me for 10 minutes TOPS and all instantly tried to reach out to me.
tl;dr: The kids are alright. Adults are shit heads.
I cant agree with this post more
I witnessed something similar with my younger brother (this was when he was In fifth grade so bear with me here) and his friends. The teacher assigned for them to build a somewhat accurate spanish mission in Minecraft because their school had gotten some iPads and she needed to assign them something other than a PowerPoint.
Now here’s the thing. Most of these boys, my brother included, have ADD/ADHD. About a week into the project all they had in their shared world was chaos. Somebody filled the place with tnt and lit it up. Holes everywhere. Whenever one would attempt to try and build something (mostly wood huts and not the actual project) it would be destroyed within minutes as the boys began to insult each other heavily and complain that the design was ugly.
I brought my own ipad with me and decided to sit with the boys while they continued their reign of terror. I joined the world and built a hallway out of brick at the very center of this war zone. Immediately one of them tried to destroy it under the impression that “it looks bad”.
“Well, what should I make it out of?”
The ten year old mind is a mystery to me…
Anyway, then I showed him some pictures similar to these:
I reasoned that it would be easier to sway this kid toward another pretty block than trying to get him to stick to the materials of the time, so I asked him if he would like to help me replace my brick design with quartz (eh, it’s white).
Bam! One of the ten year old anarchists is dutifully building me a glittering gem hallway for our insanely rich monks.
The other three are off somewhere still yelling at each other and setting off explosives, but we have something built. Much to my surprise the kid asked if he could build the church next because he “wanted to build the most important part”.
Here’s where I learned something important. I don’t have ADD or ADHD but as I said before my brother does. When he gets fixated on something, he’s really gets into it. Once a few minutes had passed and this kid already had four walls up I decided to grid up the entire mission. One gets the church, one gets the farm, etc.
After playing the game with them for an hour, I had a pretty good idea of where each kid should go.
Church kid, I found, was very particular about materials and shape(hence his hangup over the brick). I gave him free reign over the outer walls of the mission and showed him the reference pictures to get him started.
My brother liked the farms most (he was building dirt domes over the cows don’t ask me how I made this connection it just worked, okay), so he was in charge of building pens for the animals.
Another kid was, at first glance, very loud and bossy when it came to decorating (constantly said we were making chairs wrong). Turns out he likes interior design, like putting benches and beds in the little rooms, so his bossiness was just frustration with my brother’s artistic sense I guess.
Another was very good with placing trees and plants around the exterior (I guessed this because he covered the place in a ridiculous amount of trees and I asked him if he would like to know where they are supposed to go). He got to make a vineyard for us and organized how the crops should go.
So how did it turn out?
Actually very nice!!
So what did we learn? Kids actually like to play games and be praised for their creativity and intuition. If I had just told them to stop messing around rather than direct their attention to areas within their interests, they never would have gotten anything done.
After an hour of gaming they:
- Mirrored my language; “thank you!”, “which part are you working on?”, “I like this block.”
- Realized each other’s strengths; “hey [kid name] can you help me with the roof?” “How do you make the big trees [kid name]?”
- Were able to articulate exactly what they did or didn’t like without using force; “that looks good!”, “how about we put it there?”, “I don’t like that block, how about this one?”
On the plus side, since we moved the game file to my device for safekeeping, I now have a cute little souvenir of the time I played Minecraft with four ten year olds.
This is a really long post, but it’s super important. In games like Fortnite where you’ll find lots of kids, it’s important (if you can) to steer them away from toxicity. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve run into kids who talk like toxic adults and the act of just being nice to them completely turns them around.
“Positive people also have negative thoughts. They just don’t let those thoughts control them.”
“When you are resting because you are worn out, you need to remember that you are not wasting time. You are doing exactly what you need to do. You are recovering.”
the quicksand we all thought we were gonna have to face was just a metaphor for depression lads
But! We know how to get ourselves out of quicksand! And while we can’t really “get out of” depression, we can keep ourselves from being submerged in it.
By…lying on our backs and waiting for help?
Nope! Cuz that’s not how you get outta quicksand. Lying and waiting won’t do you any good (especially the lying part), but you can get out yourself!
To get outta quicksand, first you gotta:
- Stay calm. You won’t get out any easier by panicking, and it might make things worse. Take a deep breath and try to relax as best you can
- Step back. If you can still get to solid ground, step backwards; but not really big steps, because those will use up your energy quickly.
- Lighten yourself up. If you can’t get to solid ground, the best thing you can do is to get rid of any loose and/or heavy articles of clothing.
- Spread yourself out. If you have something like a walking stick, lay it horizontally behind you and lean back slowly onto it. It’ll stop you from sinking. If you don’t have a stick, though, again slowly lean back and (still slowly) wiggle your feet to allow more space for water to move around them. This will help free your feet.
- Slowly get to solid ground. Once your feet are free, you can slowly get to more stable land by paddling. Might take a lil bit, but you can do it!
This is the source I used btw (x)
Similarly, with depression you should:
- Stay calm. Don’t panic or do anything drastic. If all you can do now is breathe, then do that.
- Take a step back. If you’re doing really bad, reflect on how you’re feeling. Have you eaten or drank anything recently? Have you talked or connected with anyone else? Have you been getting enough rest? Have you been able to get some fresh air or clean yourself up? Take care of your needs to the best of your ability, then reflect again. Do you feel any better?
- Give yourself something to look forward to. It’s hard to maintain a positive mindset when you’re depressed and don’t have much energy to spare. However, almost everyone has that little something that makes their day just the least bit better, even if they don’t notice it. Find that something and hold onto it. If it gets you to the next day (and isn’t harmful!) then it’s perfect, no matter what it is.
- Spread out, but not thin. Don’t confine yourself to one space. I know mustering up the energy to move is difficult, but staying in one place all day every day is unhealthy. If you can, try spending time in different areas of your home. Even better if you can find the energy to leave the house and get outside for a while. But don’t overexert yourself.
- Take it slow, but take it. Recovery is a slow-going, non-linear process. You can’t do it all alone, either. Find that crutch, that support system, that (healthy) coping mechanism, and let it help you. It is going to get better. It may not seem like it right now, but trust me when I say that it will. If not soon, then eventually. Hold on until then. When that day comes, you’ll find it all to be worth it, but for now, take life one minute at a time. And please, allow yourself to feel out your feelings. You’ll feel better if you do. Don’t hold them back.
It’s in human nature to help people. There are people out there who want to help you, whose job is to support you. Speaking as someone who to this day still has a hard time asking for help (and who also has depression), it’s important to realize that bottling everything up and trying to do everything yourself is much more harmful than good. Sure, you can do some things on your own and make yourself feel better, but as social creatures, we shouldn’t completely isolate ourselves in favor of total independence.
There are plenty of helplines you can call, text lines you can message, and support groups you can join. I know it’s scary. Hell, it’s terrifying. But you can do this, you can get through this. I know you can, and the people who want to help you know you can.